Rep. King holds press conference from congressional sewer

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Representative Steven King, (R – Iowa), held a scathing press conference from the pits of the congressional sewer on Monday, to address what he termed, “a grievous injustice that affects millions of Gutter and Sewer Dwelling Americans.”

Standing in front of the allegorical statues of Feci and Ureter, Rep. King said “everyday I pass through this sacred hall, to remind myself how important it is to uphold the standards and expectations that so many septic diving Americans have placed on me.”

“In fact,” he continued, “if more Americans knew about the values of the sewer, they might be inspired to join in. I mean, just look around, it’s great in here!”

King’s address marked the ways these Americans are disparaged in the media and neglected by our laws. “Why is it, for example, that every time I speak from my gut, it is treated with such revulsion? I offer many of what I call Beltway Messages, or BM’s, to our legislative process. I laid out a long BM on immigration the other day, but the press came in and only scooped up pieces of it. The bulk of it still lies on the floor of the house to be addressed.”

A Spokesperson for the Associate of Gutter and Sewer Dwelling Americans released a statement following King’s press conference saying, “We firmly reject Rep. King and all of his disgusting remarks that seek to do nothing but pit Americans against each other and against other nations.” After brushing aside a slimy mass of feces from his face, the spokesman added that “King’s attempt to associate himself with us is considered a great disrespect to our people.”

 

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